Those Who Can’t Do, Teach?: The struggle of being an Artist in Academia
Five years deep in academia, and sometimes I still feel like I stumbled in here by mistake. I am an artist, so where should I be? Out there, you know, artist-ing! Flailing about on the floor, blasting Meshell Ndegeocello with the sunrise as my alarm clock. Not in a classroom, as an expert apparently, crafting syllabi and sculpting young minds. But, here I am. And believe it or not, even when I feel like a total imposter, I gotta admit, I love teaching. But, balance? Where she at? Who is that? Being both artist and educator can throw me for a loop sometimes. I never wanted to be one of those who “teach because they can't do”. Hell, I still do. This duality has defined me for most of my life and I make it all work, even if it is a constant hustle. But, as they say, challenges are opportunities for learning. This post unpacks the valuable lessons an artist can learn while navigating academia.
Challenge: There is an imposter among us…
So, I have an MFA, a Master of Fine Arts. It's a terminal degree, just like a PhD, but let's be real, there's a certain… je ne sais quoi… that comes with the title "Doctor." Being surrounded by Dr. This and Dr. That, I started feeling like a total fake. Like I needed to constantly prove myself to be as smart and capable as everyone else. I piled on more projects than humanly possible, trying to overcompensate. Took a train straight to Burnout City. I could barely drag myself to work, let alone do my best when I got there.
Lesson: Owning my Creative Power
It took some soul-searching, but I found my mantra: "Everywhere I am, I am supposed to be." Being an artist, I bring a unique perspective to the classroom. No apologies for that anymore. In fact, I'm embracing it. Maybe I don't have all the traditional "scholarly" stuff under my belt, but I make up for it with real-world experience and a passion for engaging my students.
Challenge: From freedom to forced
Grad school was a creative wonderland. Zero time for a full-time job, just pure artistic exploration. Every day was a dive into my practice, pouring everything I had into making art. I felt so free. Then graduation comes around, and reality sets in. I now have bills, rent – the whole grown-up thing. My new, shiny job came with a laundry list of new and time-consuming responsibilities. Those long days and nights in the studio? Yeah, not an option anymore and that really messed me up. My creativity felt like a wilting flower, stuck in a pot too small. When I finally got around to choreographing, nothing felt good enough. Creating went from passion to… well, a chore. Discipline? Where'd it go? I'm an artist, right? Begging myself to create shouldn't be a thing. But there I was, feeling like a fraud.
Lesson: Shifting Perspective
Finally, I had to accept reality. Deep down, I knew it: once an artist, always an artist. I didn't need to force these dance sessions just to prove something. It was like a lightbulb went off. I embraced where I was at, and that opened the door to a whole new world of creative expression. I started writing and creating sound scores – reaching beyond movement! It was the key I needed to unlock a deeper level of artistic exploration, on my own terms. This exploration added so much depth to my work – it's like I became a whole new artist.
Alright, I gotta be honest – it ain't all doom and gloom! Here's the flip side – the awesome perks of being an artist in the ivory tower:
The Library is my second home: Any book, article, or documentary I crave for research or inspiration is free and at my fingertips. Talk about a dream come true for a budding bibliophile.
Gotta Create to Keep the Job: As a professor on the tenure track, I gotta churn out at least one choreographic project a year. Honestly, it reminds me of that "requirement aspect" from grad school, but in a good way! It keeps me creating and pushing myself.
Funding Fairy Godmother: Grants for artists are a struggle, y'all. But here? Every year, I have research funds for future projects – travel, books, supplies, you name it! Like a magic wand for exploring new artistic horizons.
My Colleagues? A Treasure Trove! Seriously, each professor here comes from a different world. Through casual chats and collaborations, I've learned SO much. The feedback, resources, and info they share – pure gold!
So, the "Those Who Can't Do, Teach" stereotype can kick rocks. Being an artist in academia is a constant negotiation – a dance between freedom and responsibility, self-doubt and self-discovery. But the challenges are what make the triumphs sweeter. This journey has not only enriched my teaching, but also pushed me to expand my own artistic practice. In the end, academia might not be the artist's paradise that some envision, but it can be a surprisingly fertile ground for growth, if you're willing to embrace the chaos and find your own creative rhythm.
So, here’s to going up for tenure in two weeks and making all the dance my heart’s desires! *clink* *wink*
Ya gworl,
E.
Let’s Discuss!
How do you juggle your passions with making a paycheck?! Share your story in the comments!